Families
Today we had a great lesson given by sister Caroline Seaton. Thank you Caroline for your wondeful time and preperation! We all saw how diligently you prepared for the lesson. The lesson was based out of the Teachings of Lorenzo Snow manual chapter 9,Sacred Family Relationships.Caroline provided the following notes from the lesson (cl ass disscussion answers are in Pink):
“If we are faithful we will associate with each other
in an immortal and glorious state. … Those connections formed here, that are of
the most enduring character, shall exist in eternity.”
When husband and wife
enjoy a oneness of feeling, they encourage love and kindness in the home.
Wives, be
faithful to your husbands. I know you have to put up with many unpleasant
things, and your husbands have to put up with some things as well. Doubtless
you are sometimes tried by your husbands, on account perhaps of the ignorance
of your husbands, or perchance at times because of your own ignorance. …
… I do not
say but that your husbands are bad—just as bad as you are, and probably some of
them are worse; but, never mind: try to endure the unpleasantnesses which arise
at times, and when you meet each other in the next life you will feel glad that
you put up with those things.
The
Grapefruit Syndrome
My husband
and I had been married about two years—just long enough for me to realize that
he was a normal man rather than a knight on a white charger—when I read a
magazine article recommending that married couples schedule regular talks to
discuss, truthfully and candidly, the habits or mannerisms they find annoying
in each other. The theory was that if the partners knew of such annoyances,
they could correct them before resentful feelings developed.
It made
sense to me. I talked with my husband about the idea. After some hesitation, he
agreed to give it a try.
As I recall,
we were to name five things we found annoying, and I started off. After more
than 50 years, I remember only my first complaint: grapefruit. I told him that
I didn’t like the way he ate grapefruit. He peeled it and ate it like an
orange! Nobody else I knew ate grapefruit like that. Could a girl be expected
to spend a lifetime, and even eternity, watching her husband eat grapefruit
like an orange? Although I have forgotten them, I’m sure the rest of my
complaints were similar.
After I
finished, it was his turn to tell the things he disliked about me. Though it
has been more than half a century, I still carry a mental image of my husband’s
handsome young face as he gathered his brows together in a thoughtful, puzzled
frown and then looked at me with his large blue-gray eyes and said, “Well, to
tell the truth, I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you, Honey.”
Gasp.
I quickly
turned my back, because I didn’t know how to explain the tears that had filled
my eyes and were running down my face. I had found fault with him over such
trivial things as the way he ate grapefruit, while he hadn’t even noticed any
of my peculiar, and no doubt annoying, ways.
I wish I
could say that this experience completely cured me of fault finding. It didn’t.
But it did make me aware early in my marriage that husbands and wives need to
keep in perspective, and usually ignore, the small differences in their habits
and personalities. Whenever I hear of married couples being incompatible, I
always wonder if they are suffering from what I now call the Grapefruit
Syndrome.
Toothpaste on the Mirror
Small
offenses have a way of growing large when we dwell on them. One of Mom’s common
complaints was that Dad splashed toothpaste on the mirror when he brushed his
teeth and would never clean it off. It drove her crazy, and she couldn’t let it
go. I tried to explain that in the grand scheme of life, toothpaste on the
mirror wasn’t a very big thing. She wasn’t mollified. I wished they could get
along better, that they could overlook small things and not be so critical of
each other and be more forgiving, but that didn’t happen very often.
Dad died in
the spring of 1991. It was a time of grief, especially for Mom. She realized
after he was gone that she missed him more than she had anticipated. It was lonesome
living alone in that big house; her partner of 62 years was gone. She started
talking about him more frequently.
As the days
turned to weeks and then to months, I visited Mom daily. During one visit her
eyes turned watery as she told me of a mistake that she regretted. She reminded
me of the toothpaste and how adamant she had been that he was slothful in
neglecting to clean up his mess. She had been so angry over such a small thing.
Mom admitted
that on the first cleaning day after Dad died, there was toothpaste on the
mirror. She cleaned the mirror, but on the second cleaning day, there was more
toothpaste on the mirror. The same thing happened on the third and fourth
cleaning days as well.
Mom realized
that she had blamed Dad for the toothpaste on the mirror for many years, but it
had been both of them splashing toothpaste. She felt terrible that for years
she had been so upset about such a small thing. She freely admitted that her
anger had hurt her much worse than it had affected Dad.
I learned from this experience the need
for forgiveness and
tolerance in our relationships, and I honestly try to be more forgiving in my
own. It seems such a waste of time to fret about small offenses. There are more
important things to worry about than toothpaste on the mirror.
We should be careful to distinguish between real issues that need to be adressed and worked on versus silly peaves, such as toothpaste on the mirror and the way one eats grapefruit, which should be forgiven and forgotten right away.
How do we make sure that we stay in love?
-Try to keep things in perspective
-Realize that things are not the same as dating but still are good
-Be positive
-Say I love you, and say why you love each other
-Talk to kids and each other about your love story and how you love each other
-Overlook small things
-Think "what would I miss about them?"
-Forgiveness
-Focus on blessings
-Find common ground- enjoy things together
-Express who you are and let them be themselves
-Keep track of little things that you did or experienced throughout the day and share them later
-Keep track of little things that you did or experienced throughout the day and share them later
-Invest in each others dreams
-Continue to develop your identity and have your own interests/hobbies
-Best advice given to us is …Cole and I try to say I
love you everyday.. Never go to bed angry
Who to Love to find True JOY:
Who to Love to find True JOY:
J- Jesus Christ
O- Others
Y- Yourself
You cannot love anyone else fully unless you love yourself.
When you belittle yourself you will belittle others.
In here lies happiness in the family
Triangle - Jesus Christ at the point you two at the
bottom points - draw closer to Christ and you two draw closer together
He goes to
work and associates his feelings and affections with theirs as far as lies in
his power, and endeavors to secure all those things that are necessary for
their comfort and welfare, and they on the other part have got to turn round
and manifest the same feeling, the same kindness and the same disposition, and
to the utmost of their ability manifest feelings of gratitude for the blessings
which they receive.
This is necessary that there may be a
oneness of feeling, or oneness of sentiment and a corresponding affection, that
they being one may be bound together in this way.11
Children learn the
gospel best when their parents seek inspiration and set good examples.
If we wish to sway a proper influence
over our families, we must show them good examples as well as give them good
precepts. We should be able to say, do as I do, as well as to say do as I say.13
Strive to teach your children in such a
way, both by example and precept, that they will unhesitatingly follow in your
footsteps and become as valiant for the truth as you have been.14
If you wish to see your husband read his scriptures more, be that
example and continue to read your scriptures (share what you learned, experiences and good feelings about the scriptures) This is the same with your children.
· I always saw my mother
praying and crying to the Lord
· My father Works in the temple
despite his struggles
What exmple did your parents
set for you?
-If children ask a question help them look it up. Teach them how to learn.
-Be willing to serve, always.
-How they express love (love notes, lunch)
-Remember our heritage, but also create our own families and traditions- accept
differences and work to love them.
differences and work to love them.
What are some of the fondest
memories you ahve with your family/ Traditions?
What traditions do you/ will
you carry on with your children?
The lesson ended with a sweet mormon message on families by President Eyring.
No comments:
Post a Comment