The First and Great Commandment

This Sunday we talked about remembering the importance of loving Heavenly Father, loving ourselves, and loving those around us.

The highlight of the lesson was listening to Elder Holland's October 2012 General Conference, "The First Great Commandment." click here for video and text to the talk

We show love to our Father in Heaven through keeping the commandments and loving and serving those around us - this is the sign of our discipleship. Sister Buttler pointed out that love is much more than just a feeling. When we love someone, we act upon that love and display our love in the form of kind words, good service, etc. It is no different with Heavenly Father. We show him our love through the deeds and strength of our discipleship to the Lord Jesus Christ.

It was noted that before we can truly love others, we must love ourselves, by accepting the Saviour's love for us. We also talked about how perfection does not come all at once. We do not have to do this all ourselves, nor does it come all at once. Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ are there for us to help us along the way. We can turn to our Father in Heaven and our Savior for strength and guidance and as we learn to love our Heavenly Father, ourselves, and our fellow men.

To quote Elder Holland, "Love of God and love of neighbor rule the world."

Sacred Family Relationships

Families

Today we had a great lesson given by sister Caroline Seaton. Thank you Caroline for your wondeful time and preperation! We all saw how diligently you prepared for the lesson. The lesson was based out of the Teachings of Lorenzo Snow manual chapter 9,Sacred Family Relationships.Caroline provided the following notes from the lesson (cl ass disscussion answers are in Pink):

“If we are faithful we will associate with each other in an immortal and glorious state. … Those connections formed here, that are of the most enduring character, shall exist in eternity.”

   

When husband and wife enjoy a oneness of feeling, they encourage love and kindness in the home.

See that the little, trifling misunderstandings in domestic concerns do not poison your happiness.8

Wives, be faithful to your husbands. I know you have to put up with many unpleasant things, and your husbands have to put up with some things as well. Doubtless you are sometimes tried by your husbands, on account perhaps of the ignorance of your husbands, or perchance at times because of your own ignorance. …

… I do not say but that your husbands are bad—just as bad as you are, and probably some of them are worse; but, never mind: try to endure the unpleasantnesses which arise at times, and when you meet each other in the next life you will feel glad that you put up with those things.

The Grapefruit Syndrome

     My husband and I had been married about two years—just long enough for me to realize that he was a normal man rather than a knight on a white charger—when I read a magazine article recommending that married couples schedule regular talks to discuss, truthfully and candidly, the habits or mannerisms they find annoying in each other. The theory was that if the partners knew of such annoyances, they could correct them before resentful feelings developed.

It made sense to me. I talked with my husband about the idea. After some hesitation, he agreed to give it a try.

     As I recall, we were to name five things we found annoying, and I started off. After more than 50 years, I remember only my first complaint: grapefruit. I told him that I didn’t like the way he ate grapefruit. He peeled it and ate it like an orange! Nobody else I knew ate grapefruit like that. Could a girl be expected to spend a lifetime, and even eternity, watching her husband eat grapefruit like an orange? Although I have forgotten them, I’m sure the rest of my complaints were similar.

After I finished, it was his turn to tell the things he disliked about me. Though it has been more than half a century, I still carry a mental image of my husband’s handsome young face as he gathered his brows together in a thoughtful, puzzled frown and then looked at me with his large blue-gray eyes and said, “Well, to tell the truth, I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you, Honey.”

Gasp.

     I quickly turned my back, because I didn’t know how to explain the tears that had filled my eyes and were running down my face. I had found fault with him over such trivial things as the way he ate grapefruit, while he hadn’t even noticed any of my peculiar, and no doubt annoying, ways.

     I wish I could say that this experience completely cured me of fault finding. It didn’t. But it did make me aware early in my marriage that husbands and wives need to keep in perspective, and usually ignore, the small differences in their habits and personalities. Whenever I hear of married couples being incompatible, I always wonder if they are suffering from what I now call the Grapefruit Syndrome.

Toothpaste on the Mirror

     Small offenses have a way of growing large when we dwell on them. One of Mom’s common complaints was that Dad splashed toothpaste on the mirror when he brushed his teeth and would never clean it off. It drove her crazy, and she couldn’t let it go. I tried to explain that in the grand scheme of life, toothpaste on the mirror wasn’t a very big thing. She wasn’t mollified. I wished they could get along better, that they could overlook small things and not be so critical of each other and be more forgiving, but that didn’t happen very often.

     Dad died in the spring of 1991. It was a time of grief, especially for Mom. She realized after he was gone that she missed him more than she had anticipated. It was lonesome living alone in that big house; her partner of 62 years was gone. She started talking about him more frequently.

     As the days turned to weeks and then to months, I visited Mom daily. During one visit her eyes turned watery as she told me of a mistake that she regretted. She reminded me of the toothpaste and how adamant she had been that he was slothful in neglecting to clean up his mess. She had been so angry over such a small thing.

Mom admitted that on the first cleaning day after Dad died, there was toothpaste on the mirror. She cleaned the mirror, but on the second cleaning day, there was more toothpaste on the mirror. The same thing happened on the third and fourth cleaning days as well.

     Mom realized that she had blamed Dad for the toothpaste on the mirror for many years, but it had been both of them splashing toothpaste. She felt terrible that for years she had been so upset about such a small thing. She freely admitted that her anger had hurt her much worse than it had affected Dad.

I learned from this experience the need for forgiveness and tolerance in our relationships, and I honestly try to be more forgiving in my own. It seems such a waste of time to fret about small offenses. There are more important things to worry about than toothpaste on the mirror.

We should be careful to distinguish between real issues that need to be adressed and worked on versus silly peaves, such as toothpaste on the mirror and the way one eats grapefruit, which should be forgiven and forgotten right away. 

How do we make sure that we stay in love?

-Try to keep things in perspective

-Realize that things are not the same as dating but still are good

-Be positive

-Say I love you, and say why you love each other

-Talk to kids and each other about your love story and how you love each other

-Overlook small things

-Think "what would I miss about them?"

-Forgiveness

-Focus on blessings

-Find common ground- enjoy things together

-Express who you are and let them be themselves

-Keep track of little things that you did or experienced throughout the day and share them later

-Invest in each others dreams

-Continue to develop your identity and have your own interests/hobbies

-Best advice given to us is …Cole and I try to say I love you everyday.. Never go to bed angry

Who to Love to find  True JOY:

J- Jesus Christ

O- Others

Y- Yourself

You cannot love anyone else fully unless you love yourself.

When you belittle yourself you will belittle others.

In here lies happiness in the family

Triangle - Jesus Christ at the point you two at the bottom points - draw closer to Christ and you two draw closer together

He goes to work and associates his feelings and affections with theirs as far as lies in his power, and endeavors to secure all those things that are necessary for their comfort and welfare, and they on the other part have got to turn round and manifest the same feeling, the same kindness and the same disposition, and to the utmost of their ability manifest feelings of gratitude for the blessings which they receive.

This is necessary that there may be a oneness of feeling, or oneness of sentiment and a corresponding affection, that they being one may be bound together in this way.11

Children learn the gospel best when their parents seek inspiration and set good examples.

 If we wish to sway a proper influence over our families, we must show them good examples as well as give them good precepts. We should be able to say, do as I do, as well as to say do as I say.13

Strive to teach your children in such a way, both by example and precept, that they will unhesitatingly follow in your footsteps and become as valiant for the truth as you have been.14

 If you wish to see your husband read his scriptures more, be that example and continue to read your scriptures (share what you learned, experiences and good feelings about the scriptures) This is the same with your children.

 · I always saw my mother praying and crying to the Lord

 · My father Works in the temple despite his struggles

What exmple did your parents set for you?

-If children ask a question help them look it up. Teach them how to learn.

-Be willing to serve, always.

-How they express love (love notes, lunch)

-Remember our heritage, but also create our own families and traditions- accept 

  differences and work to love them.

  Review President Snow’s feelings about bringing his entire family together (pages 127, 129). What are some good results that can come when we bring our families together? How can we help our families stay united?

 What are some of the fondest memories you ahve with your family/ Traditions?

 What traditions do you/ will you carry on with your children?

The lesson ended with a sweet mormon message on families by President Eyring.

Modesty Lesson

Our stake Relief Society president, Sister Esplin taught our lesson about modesty. She spoiled us with a very cute setup on the table with cute vintage suitcases and a nice monitor to view a special interview on modesty with Sister Beck. She provided me with this wonderful outline of what we talked about:

Sister Esplin also shared a very relevant and edifying interview with Sister Julie B. Beck Go here to listen.

The challenge that sister Esplin, our stake Relief Society president gave was for us to think about how modesty reflects who we are as covenate people and to examine the clothing in our closets to determine whether we have some immodest clothes that we should part with. President Niger's areas of concern for our stake was 1) visible cleavage 2) leggings with short skirts or no skirt (just a shirt) and 3) tight clothes. She encouraged us to write her a letter (may be anonymous)  with our thoughts and experiences with this task. She gave us some addressed envelopes with stamps (some can be obtained from Heather). This lesson helped us see that modesty is much more than just dressing in a way that doesn't show a lot of skin or merely making sure our garments aren't showing with our outfits. Modesty is a way of heart and a way to live. Let's try to understand this doctrine at a deeper level and to live it with greater commitment! *Please take Sister Esplin's challenge to apply the doctrine President Niger was inspired to address at this time . You will be greatly blessed if you do so.